Triangulation

The concept of triangulation was developed by Murray Bowen within his family systems theory. According to Bowen, when tension between two people becomes unbearable, one of them (or both) involves a third person to stabilize the relationship. This third party may be a child, a relative, a therapist, or any other figure. Triangulation is the most basic human relational pattern: unstable dyads naturally tend to become triangles. In family contexts, triangles are transmitted across generations and shape patterns of emotional functioning.

As a manipulation tactic, triangulation involves deliberately introducing a third person into a relationship to generate jealousy, insecurity, or rivalry. The manipulator may compare the victim unfavorably with another person, hint at outside romantic interests, or use intermediaries — known as 'flying monkeys' — to relay messages, gather information, or exert pressure on the victim. In narcissistic dynamics, triangulation serves to maintain narcissistic supply: the manipulator keeps multiple people competing for their attention and approval.

Recognizing triangulation is essential in both family therapy and work with survivors of emotional abuse. In systemic therapy, the goal is detriangulation: helping each family member manage their relationships directly, without involving third parties. In abuse contexts, understanding triangulation helps the victim identify when they are being manipulated through other people and resist the pressure to participate in artificially created rivalry dynamics.