Should Statements

Should statements are a cognitive distortion identified by David Burns (1980) consisting of the rigid use of imperatives such as 'should,' 'must,' or 'ought to' applied to oneself, others, or the world. These inflexible rules function as absolute internal laws that admit no exceptions or nuances. When the person fails to meet their own 'shoulds,' they experience guilt, shame, and self-reproach; when others fail to meet expectations, the person feels anger, frustration, and resentment.

Albert Ellis (1962) coined the term 'musturbation' (a play on must) to describe the irrational tendency to convert preferences into absolute demands. According to his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), there are three basic irrational beliefs: 'I must do well,' 'others must treat me well,' and 'the world must be fair.' Ellis argued that emotional disturbance does not come from events but from the rigid demands we impose on reality.

The connection between should statements and perfectionism is especially close. The perfectionist lives under a tyranny of 'shoulds' that sets impossibly high standards. In cognitive therapy, treatment involves helping the patient replace demands with preferences: transforming 'I should do it perfectly' into 'I prefer to do it well, but I can tolerate imperfection.' This flexibilization does not mean abandoning values or aspirations, but freeing oneself from the rigidity that turns every imperfection into a moral catastrophe.